Finally, time to write again!!!

My goodness! I finally have a little bit of time to write again! Mason is asleep beside me in his bouncy chair. The little monkey loves to be held! And as soon as you put him down in his crib, he wakes up! And boy, does he eat! I feel a bit overwhelmed by all of this, it's such a change! Totally worth it, but wow, so different! I love him so much! I am frustrated by his lazyness in breastfeeding though. He is just so lazy! He wants it now! The bottle is so easy, and breast he has to work for. I feel so horrible about it. I never wanted to bottle feed him at all, but he was so big, and he needed food, so they had to give him a formula supplement while he was in the NICU. He will take the breast, but only for about 10 minutes on one side, not enough to fill him up. I have been so sad and frustrated about this, that I sometimes just bawl my eyes out! I feel like it's my fault somehow, I really do. I haven't given up just yet, but I think I am getting close to it. He is now up to 11 pounds, 8 ounces. He is not starving, or dehydrated, which is awesome. If I didn't supplement him, he would be, so I am happy about that. But, I still feel so guilty, like I am cheating my son. I am pumping whenever possible, though. And he got all my colostrom in the hospital. But, I will keep trying.